One of the best parts of 2010 for me was getting to meet so many awesome people….from the internet. If someone had told me when I started blogging that I would meet the people who wrote the blogs I loved AND traveled across the country and to Vegas to meet them I would have slapped you across the face and called you a liar. Maybe I wouldn’t have slapped you across the face, but man have I always wanted to do that to someone.

It is almost a new year and I see very good things happening in 2011. But there are some things that need to be left in 2010.

-     Skinny jeans on men. Guys, you should know that no woman wants to have sex with you if you’re wearing skinny jeans.

-     Although I see nothing wrong with a 30 year old man dating a 21 year old this Jake Gyllenhaal and Taylor Swift dating/babysitting thing is disturbing. Jake, she’s old enough to vote; watch R rated movies and drink. Stop taking her out for hot chocolate.

-     People saying “eff” or “effing.” Especially on Twitter. You’re an adult so just say fuck. Trust me; you’re not going to get in trouble from your mommy.

-     Anything that has to do with Vampires. Seriously. Enough is enough.

-     Making people famous when all they did was fuck a celebrity, have a giant ass with long hair and bitchy sisters or give birth to multiple babies. It’s time to end this madness.

I hope everyone has a happy and healthy new year. Hopefully 2011 will be the year I fulfill my wish of getting to slap someone across the face.

*fingers crossed*

As someone that has already reached their 30’s it really baffles me what is this “crisis” you 25 year olds are all having? Because if memory serves 25 was pretty fucking awesome. Sure at 25 I had a good job and had to support myself but really you know what else I was doing at 25? Having fun, traveling, not giving a shit and fucking like a champ. (25 was a slutty year for me. Actually I don’t like the word “slutty” I prefer to say “got laid a lot”) Now everyone don’t go out and mirror your life after mine but if anything being in your 20’s is time to not worry and just enjoy the ride.

I see 20 something’s now and all I see if worry and fear on their faces. When were we told we had to have our lives figured out at 25? Or even in our 20’s for that matter? Life shouldn’t be mapped out for us, life is supposed to be filled with unexpected turns and frankly if your entire life is already mapped out for you by the time you are 25 I can’t imagine that being a very enjoyable life. In all reality though, the things you want at 25 are most likely not what you want at 30 or even 40. Is their really a need to have a “crisis” every time you’re not sure where your life is going?

Worrying is like rocking in a rocking chair, sure it gives you something to do but really it gets you nowhere.

I don’t fancy myself as a wise person or one that should be giving others advice. Most days I’m nothing but a hot mess myself. But for those of you in your 20’s that worry about life and the directions its going, please stop. Life is what you make of it and all you’re doing is making wrinkles and headaches for yourself.

You only get to be young once. Spend it having fun and fucking like a champ. 

The problem with hygiene is not everyone feels the same way about it.

A frequent subject at the water cooler is a lady in the department next to mine at work who has hair that I’m confident is saying has not seen a brush in weeks. No, it’s not like messy sex hair. It’s a huge knot of a rats nest in the back of her head. One day I even saw a rat poke its head out. Ok, maybe that part is a tall tale. But what’s not a tall tale is how infrequent this woman brushes her hair. And if one can’t even bother to brush ones hair then you just have to assume one is also not showering on a regular basis.

It seems like people have become so gross and lazy that the simple task of having good hygiene is just too much to ask.

It’s the same with people who wear pajamas to work. This excludes people that work from home and pajama models. Now I know ones appearance in the work place does not necessarily dictate what kind of worker they are. I’ve worked with people that dressed and smelled great but were not good employees. But I’m sorry when you come to work in your pajamas what you’re telling me is that if you can’t even be bothered to change out of the pajamas you slept in all night into clothes then don’t expect much of a work performance.

I’m not saying I look and smell like a breath of fresh air everyday. But I’d like to think I take some pride in my appearance that I don’t look like I just rolled out of bed and have animals living in my hair.

Guys 

Rahul from I Wear T-Shirts…Sometimes 

Mooog from Mental Poo 

Andy from Wild ARS Chase 

Ben from No Ordinary Rollercoaster (If Ben gets to be my hubby at least I know I can cheat on him and we can just pull an Angelina and adopt all our kids.) 

Matt formally from Mr5280 

Numbers 

7, 2, 4, 16, 11 

Cars 

Pinto, BMW, Station wagon, Limo, Porsche 

Places 

Hawaii, New York, North Dakota, Iceland, Paris 

Colors 

Blue, Puke green, Red, Yellow, White 

Jobs 

Julie the cruise director, President of the US, Porta potty cleaner, Oscar winning actress, hand model. 

And for the my future life…..drum roll 

You will marry Matt. After a wild honeymoon you will settle down in Paris in your fabulous Apartment. Will have 7 kids together. The family will zoom around in a Red Station wagon. I will spend my days as the President of the US, and live happily ever after.  

As the President of the United States I object to living in an apartment. And I’m positive my vagina objects to having 7 kids.  

I’ll hold while you picture it and then go vomit.

Not really something you want to see first thing in the morning. But then I thought; now that is true love. Marrying a guy that has more back hair than a monkey does has to be real love. Especially since his wife was cute and could get someone with less fur on their body. Me, I don’t think I would give a guy the time of day if he had more hair on his back than I had on my head. But I’m picky like that I guess.

But once the hearts and butterflies stopped flying out of my eyes from witnessing this kind of love I got mad. Sure, it’s your life and maybe you really like looking like Teen Wolf, but no where did I sign up to have to see that level of hair coming out of a mans shirt while in line to get a coffee. Talk about rude going out in public like that. Because hairy man knows exactly what is out in public. People. And he knows exactly what people have. Eyes. And you know what those said people with eyes don’t want to see? Hair coming out of a mans shirt. We just don’t.

For societies sake if you don’t want to get you back waxed at least next time you get a hair cut have them trim your back.

So readers or should I say reader, would you date, marry, have sex with, hug, high five a guy that had that much back hair it was coming out of his shirt?

First you have Lindsay Lohan going to jail and let me tell you I am so enjoying this. I do feel bad for all her drug dealers that are losing business with her being in jail. I’m sure between her parents and her 16 year old sister that looks like she’s 39 they can all pitch in by keeping her dealers in business while she’s in the pokey. You know she’s single handily put some of those drug dealer’s kids through collage.

As much fun as all this is to watch it is annoying the way celebrities act when facing jail time, especially a short jail time. You’d think that going to jail is going to ruin their lives.

Lets look at it this way Lindsay, when you get out, in most likely a few weeks, you will have that movie where you play a porn star waiting to be filmed and money in the bank. You work in an industry where it is not as big of a deal if you have a record unlike the rest of us. If I went to jail *knock on wood* I’d lose my job and then eventually my home because making 17 cents a day in jail isn’t going to pay my rent. Hell, I’d probably even lose my cat. The only thing I might still have is my car which is a good thing because living in a car seems much more enjoyable than living in a box.

So buck up Lindsay. You need to look at this jail experience in a more positive light, you could just meet your next girlfriend in jail, so don’t think about it as doing time, think about it more like its dating.

Next we have Mel Gibson going bat shit crazy. Seriously, get it together Riggs. But really he is the gift that keeps on giving with every new tape that comes out. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying his behavior is ok; all I’m saying is that it’s entertaining. And clearly the guy is super horny if he is threatening to burn down a house if he doesn’t get a blow job. After hearing that tape I couldn’t help but think “Man, that Russian chick must give one hell of a blow job if he’s threatening arson.” Once I didn’t want to give a guy a blow job because I was deep into a Saved by the Bell marathon and all he did was pout.

At least Mel has one person in his corner, Whoopi Goldberg. What a good friend to stick by that crazy lunatic. *Fingers crossed* there’s a tape of Mel and Whoopi where she says in her Oda Mae Brown voice, “Mel, You in danger girl.”